Updated: Jan 29, 2019
We can’t be so easily triggered, that is putting our energy into the wrong things.
Wherever you decide to invest your energy, you will see results. -
Whether that is something negative, or something positive.
You control your energy.
If you have a problem with someone else, you have a problem with yourself.
If someone is able to trigger a negative emotional response out of you, they are simply the messenger to the unhealed part of yourself.
Let me say it again: if someone is able to trigger a negative emotional response out of you, they are simply the messenger to the unhealed part of yourself.
9 times out of 10, it isn’t that deep.
Let me explain...
Most of us are not all the way sane. If we were, we would respond to the present only on it’s own terms. We would be worried, angry or give way to anxiety only as much as the circumstance before us actually called for. Instead, we constantly respond with disproportion to certain events in the here and now. We have tendencies to get more worried, angry or anxious than we should if we were to just simply follow and process the facts in front of us. We are wired to feel and respond according to precedent rather than on the basis of an evaluation of the present.
We follow emotional tracks that were laid down in the distant past.
Most of us have had painful experiences in the past that we subconsciously draw from. Based on those experiences, we continue to draw panicky, and unhelpful conclusions. After an action or statement conducted by someone else, the triggering happens so fast, most times we don’t even realize it.
There is no chance to observe the process and actually cede our methods of evaluation from present to past. Our minds are simply flooded with panic, and our rational judgement shuts down. We get triggered because we don’t have a direct link with objective reality.
We all approach the outer world through our own expectations and unique histories. We have to learn that the outer or real world is often nothing like we see the world in our heads. It’s for sure not that there isn’t anything scary or worrying in the outer world- because there are plenty of scary things. Rather, it’s that our initial responses are likely to be out of proportion, without calculation, adult resilience, resourcefulness, or options.
A key thing to remember that helps triggers and rash decision making is this: you are not a single person.
Meaning, we are made up of a blend of parts that date back to our earliest days.
In a way we can’t easily track, different experiences will engage with different parts of us. Some of our most challenging moments occur when a difficulty in the past isn’t handled with an adult part, but by a part formed when we were young children.
Something I learned that helps me in triggering moments or situations is to ask myself not “what am I afraid of” (or worried, upset about, sad, why do I want to isolate myself, why do I want to randomly cut this person off etc.) but “what part of me is afraid”, and to more carefully differentiate the parts. “What can I tell that part of myself in order to overcome this moment”?
It’s a great milestone in maturity when we start to understand what triggers us and why.
Too much of our past is inside of us in a way we don’t recognize or learn to make allowances for.
Going forward, we should treat many of our triggers, for well grounded reasons, like a fire alarm that we will simply refuse to listen to.